“THIS IS JOEY FATONE. IT’S TIME TO PLAY FAMILY FEUD! GIVE IT UP FOR STEVE HARVEY!”
“Thank you all for coming. How you all doing? Thank you all for coming. Hey, welcome to Family Feud, everybody! I’m your man, Steve Harvey, and we got a good one for you today.”
“Returning for the second day, from Alpharetta, Georgia, it’s the Belling family. And out of Chicago, Illinois, my new hometown, it’s the Brown family. Let’s get it on. Give me Bob, give me Sherman. Let’s go.”
Folks, here we go. We’ve got the top six answers on the board. Name a place you wouldn’t want to hear your father say he met your mother.
“Bob?”
“Strip club.”
“At the strip club. One answer tops it, Sherman.”
“At the bar.”
“At the bar. Pass or play?”
“Mr. Harvey, we’re gonna play, sir.”
“They’re gonna play. They’re gonna play.”
“Yes, sir! Go, baby!”
“Yes! Yes! Whoo! Yes!”
“Well, Miss Wilma?”
“Yes?”
“Miss Willa, I’m sorry. Name a place you wouldn’t want to hear your father say he met your mother.”
“At the police station!”
“At the police station.”
“Come on, baby! That’s all right! Good answer.”
“Yes. Yes.”
“This is Punkin. P-U-N-K. Punkin.”
“Yes.”
“Like I’m punkin’ you? This Miss Punkin. See, y’all thought it was Miss Pumpkin. But we all know how we talk when we country.”
“That’s right.”
“All right, Miss Punkin. Here we go. Name a place you wouldn’t want to hear your father say he met your mother.”
“At a funeral home.”
“Yes! Good answer! Good answer—”
“Hey, baby. Hey, baby. Get up. Come on. I want to take you out.”
“Good answer, Punkin. Good answer.”
“At the funeral home!”
“That’s all right. Come on, Tic.”
“Will, how you doing, my friend? Did you say, ‘Come on, Tic’?”
“That’s right!”
“Short for lunatic?”
“Lunatic! There you go!”
“They call you Tic.”
“Yeah, yeah. Heh heh heh!”
“Punkin and Tic.”
“That’s all right, Tic.”
“Hey, let me tell y’all something. I am enjoying this family right here, ’cause if this ain’t my family standing in front of me—they’ve been asking me about doing a celebrity Family Feud. There’s no way I can bring my family on this show.”
“I know that’s right!”
“I don’t have five of my family members I can expose to national TV.”
“Whoo!”
“But they made it.”
“Yeah! Yeah!”
“Tic, you got to be careful. We got two strikes. The Belling family can steal.”
“Unemployment office.”
“At the unemployment office.”
“Bob, here’s your chance, man. Name a place you wouldn’t want to hear your father say he met your mother.”
“In prison.”
“Whoo!”
“In prison! Number five?”
“Porn movie or store.”
“Four?”
“Street corner or alley.”
“Three?”
“Ho house!”
“Let’s move on to question two. Give me Kim, give me Willa. Let’s go.”
“Oh! How you doing? Ha ha ha!”
“Top seven answers are on the board. Name something people have to have three times a day. Kim?”
“Food.”
“Food. Pass or play?”
“Play! Play! Play!”
“We’re gonna play.”
“They’re gonna play, Miss Willa. Heh heh! Whew! Ha ha ha! Joe, how you doing, man?”
“Morning, sir.”
“Let’s do it, man. Name something some people have to have three times a day.”
“A bathroom break.”
“A bathroom break. Okay, Kim. Name something some people have to have three times a day.”
“Sex.”
“Whoo! Good answer.”
“Sex! All right, let’s go. Name something people have to have three times a day.”
“How about a cigarette break?”
“A cigarette break. All right, Bob. Let’s go, man. Name something some people have to have three times a day.”
“Not at my age, but some people have to have a nap three times a day.”
“Some people have to have a nap. A good answer. Only one strike. Hi, Kim. How you doing today? You have only one strike. Name something some people have to have three times a day.”
“I say caffeine.”
“Caffeine. Yeah. Only one strike, Joe. What do you think it is? Name something some people have to have three times a day.”
“Shots. Medicine. Shots.”
“Shots. Medicine, shots. Hey, Kim, only one answer left. If it’s there, you clear the board.”
“Exercising.”
“Yes, good answer.”
“Exercising!”
“Patti, you got two strikes, darling. You got to be careful. The Brown family can steal.”
“A drink of alcohol?”
“Yeah!”
“Wow.”
“I like it!”
“A drink of alcohol!”
“Yeah! Water! Water! Water—”
“Sherman?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Here’s your chance. I think we all know the answer, but name something some people have to have three times a day.”
“Water!”
“Mr. Harvey—”
“Please. If you don’t say this—”
“They have to have—”
“If you don’t say this—”
“W-W-W-W—water!”
“Yes! Yes!”
“Water!”
“Brown family 91, Bellings got 60. But remember, the goal is 300 points, so don’t go away. We’ll be right back.”
“Hey, welcome back to Family Feud, everybody. Brown family 91, Belling family got 60. Give me Joe, give me Punkin. Let’s go.”
“How are you, dear?”
“Whoo! Yes! Yes!”
“Point values have doubled. Here we go. Top six answers are on the board. Name something that follows the word pork.”
“Loin!”
“Huh?”
“Loin! Pork loin! L-I-O-N! Loin!”
“Oh!”
“Pork loin.”
“Glad you spelled it, ’cause I—what the hell is a pork lawn? I thought you said lawn, like the grass outside. I was going, what the hell is a pork lawn? Lawn! Looking for the pork loin.”
“Be there!”
“Joe?”
“Pork belly.”
“Pork belly.”
“Yes! We’re gonna play! We’re gonna play!”
“You’re gonna play?”
“Play! We’re gonna play!”
“They’re gonna play.”
“Yes!”
“Whoo! Yes! Yes! Ooh, Lord.”
“Tic?”
“Heh heh heh!”
“Tic…”
“What I am.”
“Name something that follows the word pork.”
“Upine.”
“Huh? Huh?”
“Upine. Porcupine.”
“Good answer! Good answer! Yes!”
“That’s right.”
“Respect it!”
“Yes! Lunatic!”
“Pork. He said, ‘Cupine.’ Cupine. W-W-W-W—what? What is cupine? This is the greatest answer I’ve ever heard!”
“Good answer!”
“You cannot—I feel you. No, I feel you.”
“Number one.”
“It’s number one? Pow! ‘It’s number one.’ Oh, really? Ha! Well, I’ll tell you what, it’s gonna be number one on YouTube, but it ain’t gonna be number one up there. I can bet every dollar I got! You the only person that said ‘cupine.’”
“Good answer! Good answer, Tic.”
“Cupine!”
“It’s all right. That’s okay.”
“All right, Marquis, let’s go. Name something that follows the word pork.”
“Chop!”
“Yeah!”
“Pork chop!”
“Pork chop!”
“Yes!”
“All right. Only one strike, Pastor.”
“Roast.”
“Pork roast.”
“That’s all right! Yes! Yes!”
“Willa, hi.”
“Hi. How are you?”
“All right. You got two strikes. You got to be careful. The Belling family can steal.”
“Porky’s!”
“Porky’s! In the hood! In the hood! That’s in the hood! Yes, sir!”
“Porky’s.”
“Be there, baby.”
“Don’t worry ’bout that.”
“Bob?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Heh! Name something that follows the word pork.”
“A great snack—pork rinds.”
“Pork rinds. That’s what you meant. Pork rinds. That’s what y’all meant right there. Number six?”
“And beans.”
“Number two?”
“Barrel.”
“Don’t go away. Play well. We’ll be back, find out who wins it.”
“Hey, welcome back to Family Feud, everybody. The Belling family 202, Brown family got 91. Give me Kim, give me Will. Let’s go.”
“Yes!”
“Folks, here we go. The point values are triple. We’ve got the top four answers on the board. Name something people put under a pillow. Will?”
“Teeth.”
“Teeth.”
“Yes! Yes!”
“Yeah. We’ll play.”
“They’re gonna play.”
“We’ll play. Yeah. All right, Marquis. This is important, so let’s just go. Name something people put under a pillow.”
“Money.”
“Money.”
“Yes! Yes!”
“Sherman, name something people put under a pillow.”
“A weapon!”
“Yes! Good answer!”
“A weapon!”
“Yes! All right!”
“Come on, now.”
“Come on! Let’s do it!”
“Willa?”
“Yes.”
“If it’s there, your family wins the game.”
“Jewelry!”
“Yes! Yes! Yes—”
“Good answer!”
“Let’s go!”
“Be there!”
“Jewelry!”
“Yes! Okay, that’s all right.”
“Punkin, here’s the deal. There’s only one strike. Name something people put under a pillow.”
“A book, Steve! A book!”
“Good answer!”
“A book! Read a book! Yes! A book! They put a book under there! Yes! Yes!”
“A book.”
“Okay. That’s all right.”
“Tic, it’s always tough when it gets back to the person that jumped it off, so let me tell you how big this is, Tic. If it’s not there, the Belling family can steal and they win the game.”
“Food.”
“Good answer!”
“Yes!”
“Yeah, that’s all right.”
“Food.”
“That’s all right.”
“Bob, here’s the deal, Bob. If it’s there, your family steals and wins the game. Name something people put under a pillow.”
“Condom.”
“Yeah!”
“For the win, a condom. Number four?”
“Pajamas.”
“All right. I got to be working too hard, ’cause, man—hey, Brown family! I need two players. Come on. Who’s going out here? All right. Cupine. Here we go.”
“Hey, welcome back to the Feud, everybody. The Brown family won the game, and now it’s time to play—”
“Fast Money!”
“And remember, you win five games, you drive away in a brand-new car. You ready?”
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
“Twenty seconds on the clock, please. Let’s go, man. Name a sport that can be played both indoors and outdoors.”
“Tennis.”
“Name something people unroll.”
“Tissue.”
“Name something that little kids do in the snow.”
“Shovel.”
“At what age does a person start to shrink?”
“Forty.”
“Name the fruit you like most in summer.”
“Orange.”
“Okay. All right, let’s go. I said name a sport that can be played both indoors and outdoors. You said tennis. It can happen. Survey said—”
“All right.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Good!”
“Name something people unroll. You said tissue. Survey said—”
“Yeah!”
“Name something little kids do in the snow. You said shovel. Survey said—’Little Bobby and Tommy, go outside. Stop all that playing and shovel that snow.’”
“At what age does a person start to shrink? You stunned America with this one. You said forty. Survey said—wow. Name the fruit you like most in summer. You said an orange. Survey said—”
“Good.”
“All right.”
“That’s okay.”
“Well, let’s bring out Sherman. Okay, Sherman—listen to me.”
“Yes.”
“We got a little uphill battle we got to get through here, but you can do it. You want me to tell you how many you need? Almost all of ’em.”
“It’s all right.”
“You ready?”
“Yes, sir.”
“All right. Let’s remind everyone of Will’s answers. Twenty-five seconds on the clock, please. All right, here we go. Name a sport that can be played both indoors and outdoors.”
“Soccer.”
“Name something people unroll.”
“Carpet.”
“Name something that little kids do in the snow.”
“Snowman.”
“At what age does a person start to shrink?”
“Fifty.”
“Name the fruit you like most in summer.”
“Watermelon.”
“Yes! Yes!”
“All right, let’s go. I said name a sport that can be played both indoors and outdoors. You said soccer. Survey said—”
“Yes!”
“Basketball was the number-one answer. Name something people unroll. You said carpet. Survey said—toilet paper was the number-one answer.”
“All right.”
“Name something that little kids do in the snow. You said make a snowman. Survey said—”
“Yes!”
“Throw snowballs and build a snowman tied for the number-one answer. We need 75 points. At what age does a person start to shrink? You said fifty. Survey said—number-one answer was sixty. We need 63 points. Name the fruit you like most in summer. You said watermelon. Survey
said—”
“Ooh! Almost.”
“You almost got there. Watermelon was the number-one answer. Man, they could have had that. Well, that’s five dollars a point for a total of $935, but they’re coming right back on Family Feud. I’m Steve Harvey. We’ll see you next time, folks.”